1.26.2011

Sitters and Dentistry

Yesterday morning, I woke up early and enjoyed coffee in peace.  I had time on my own to become human, and get my game plan together for my free day without Dylan.  I was super excited about all the possibilities of the day.  I could pick up my house without a child following me around playing tag.  I could sit on my rump and have a phone conversation without a child yelling, "MOM!  Mom.  Ma.  Mommy!"  Yeah, that gets really old.  What ever would I do with myself!?

Dylan was dropped off at the sitter and I felt FREEEEEEE!


Waiting in line to get a delicious Diet Coke with vanilla!


I'm so lucky that I get to see awesomeness every time I leave my house.  Look at those mountains baby!

I was belting out music and trying to take pictures of myself, while driving.  I do not recommend this, because I almost hit a cop.  Oops!


Happy Lunch!!


Happy TV time, that's not cartoons!!!

And then the time came for me to go see the dentist.  I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I'M TERRIFIED OF DENTISTS!  I imagined the whole visit going something like this:


I always thought this was how the dentists would treat me, clowns and all.  Terrifying.

So, I get to the office and I'm in the waiting room.  The room starts filling in the with after-lunch crowd.  My hands start to shake, my breathing gets wonky, and I feel at any minute, I'm going to lose control of all bodily fluids.

I'm called back to the treatment room and I feel a nervous pee coming on.  You know how little dogs get nervous and pee themselves?  That was me and I felt about the same size.  I'm thinking to myself, 'I'm going to have a trillion cavities, need a root canal... I probably still have chunks of my wisdom teeth in my gums and they're infected and I'm going to have to have surgery.  OMGosh, this will be so expensive.  What am I going to do?  I should have come in a long time ago.'

They poke and prod, take X-rays, the whole business.  After an hour of that, I finally get to see the dentist, Dr. N.  He looks like a jolly, trustworthy man, but he wears glasses.  Glasses can be totally deceiving. 

Dr. N. starts looking through my teeth and spitting out numbers and letters.  I have no idea what he's saying, but cripes, I think I'm going to vomit.

Dr. N.:  So, you've only been to the dentist how many times in your life?
Me:  Basically, just to get my wisdom teeth out and the follow-ups.  Didn't you see the note I made on the chart?  I'm terrified of you guys.

Dr. N.: (laughs) At least you're honest.  But, I have to say, I'm totally amazed with your mouth.

Me: What? Oh, please tell me it's not too bad.

Dr. N.:  Your teeth are perfect.  No cavities!  I'm just speechless.  All you need is a good cleaning and you're done.

I just wanted to jump and shout to the world!!!  I was on cloud nine, ten and eleven.

I know my jaw was on the floor.  I couldn't get out of there fast enough.  I thought he was just kidding, and didn't want to hear the truth.

So, the assistant walks me to the front to close out my session.  I see this GIANT box of goodies.  No joke, I wanted a prize.  In my head I was thinking, 'How am I going to ask for a prize?  This receptionist doesn't look like she's happy.  But, I really, really want the heart-shaped glasses.. ooooh a foam clown nose... NO Pee Wee! ahhh... Do I say it's for Dylan?  No, because I deserve the prize and I would have to get him something stupid.. damn..(and the other side of my brain kicked in) Ashley, this is so stupid.  Be a grown-up about it.  Do you really need a prize? No.  Get over it.'

My golden opportunity presented itself.  The receptionist had to walk to the back to close out my file.  I immediately grabbed the lime green, heart-shaped glasses and shoved them into my purse.  Oh sweet baby Jesus, I hope no one saw me.  I'm sure there's video footage of me stealing from the goodie box.  I know someone is laughing at me right now.

But I have no shame!

I deserved that damn prize for no cavities and I want the world to know.  FYI: These glasses only look good on a full-frontal shot.  The arms of the glasses barely reach my ear, and the nose piece was totally bowed inward.  I still have plans to wear them.

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