Yesterday morning, I woke up early and enjoyed coffee in peace. I had time on my own to become human, and get my game plan together for my free day without Dylan. I was super excited about all the possibilities of the day. I could pick up my house without a child following me around playing tag. I could sit on my rump and have a phone conversation without a child yelling, "MOM! Mom. Ma. Mommy!" Yeah, that gets really old. What ever would I do with myself!?
Dylan was dropped off at the sitter and I felt FREEEEEEE!
Waiting in line to get a delicious Diet Coke with vanilla!
I'm so lucky that I get to see awesomeness every time I leave my house. Look at those mountains baby!
I was belting out music and trying to take pictures of myself, while driving. I do not recommend this, because I almost hit a cop. Oops!
Happy TV time, that's not cartoons!!!
And then the time came for me to go see the dentist. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I'M TERRIFIED OF DENTISTS! I imagined the whole visit going something like this:
I always thought this was how the dentists would treat me, clowns and all. Terrifying.
So, I get to the office and I'm in the waiting room. The room starts filling in the with after-lunch crowd. My hands start to shake, my breathing gets wonky, and I feel at any minute, I'm going to lose control of all bodily fluids.
I'm called back to the treatment room and I feel a nervous pee coming on. You know how little dogs get nervous and pee themselves? That was me and I felt about the same size. I'm thinking to myself, 'I'm going to have a trillion cavities, need a root canal... I probably still have chunks of my wisdom teeth in my gums and they're infected and I'm going to have to have surgery. OMGosh, this will be so expensive. What am I going to do? I should have come in a long time ago.'
They poke and prod, take X-rays, the whole business. After an hour of that, I finally get to see the dentist, Dr. N. He looks like a jolly, trustworthy man, but he wears glasses. Glasses can be totally deceiving.
Dr. N. starts looking through my teeth and spitting out numbers and letters. I have no idea what he's saying, but cripes, I think I'm going to vomit.
Dr. N.: So, you've only been to the dentist how many times in your life?
Me: Basically, just to get my wisdom teeth out and the follow-ups. Didn't you see the note I made on the chart? I'm terrified of you guys.
Dr. N.: (laughs) At least you're honest. But, I have to say, I'm totally amazed with your mouth.
Me: What? Oh, please tell me it's not too bad.
Dr. N.: Your teeth are perfect. No cavities! I'm just speechless. All you need is a good cleaning and you're done.
I just wanted to jump and shout to the world!!! I was on cloud nine, ten and eleven.
I know my jaw was on the floor. I couldn't get out of there fast enough. I thought he was just kidding, and didn't want to hear the truth.
So, the assistant walks me to the front to close out my session. I see this GIANT box of goodies. No joke, I wanted a prize. In my head I was thinking, 'How am I going to ask for a prize? This receptionist doesn't look like she's happy. But, I really, really want the heart-shaped glasses.. ooooh a foam clown nose... NO Pee Wee! ahhh... Do I say it's for Dylan? No, because I deserve the prize and I would have to get him something stupid.. damn..(and the other side of my brain kicked in) Ashley, this is so stupid. Be a grown-up about it. Do you really need a prize? No. Get over it.'
My golden opportunity presented itself. The receptionist had to walk to the back to close out my file. I immediately grabbed the lime green, heart-shaped glasses and shoved them into my purse. Oh sweet baby Jesus, I hope no one saw me. I'm sure there's video footage of me stealing from the goodie box. I know someone is laughing at me right now.
But I have no shame!
I deserved that damn prize for no cavities and I want the world to know. FYI: These glasses only look good on a full-frontal shot. The arms of the glasses barely reach my ear, and the nose piece was totally bowed inward. I still have plans to wear them.